How much honesty can we really take???

I stumbled upon Post Secrets about a year ago. If there are any of you out there who aren't familiar with this check out the blog: http://postsecret.blogspot.com/. Basically you can create a post card, letter, or the like with a confession you have never told anyone before and that was completely truthful. I became mildly obsessed with them and the whole concept. People judge, have been since the fall, and probably will do it until the end of time. Even if we don't think we judge, or we try to hide a voice in our head with other thoughts, the truth is the truth whether we accept it or not. I often think that if people really knew what I was thinking about them they wouldn't even believe it. As a "Christian" (a follower of Jesus, not the religion) we're told to not judge, but instead to love. Yet I sit at church and judge people who arrive late, who text, who fall sleep, the clothing choices, etc. I go out in public and I make judgments based on the limited experiences that I've had. Nobody is safe, if you're my friend for any length of time, chances are I've talked shit about you. I've done this for many reasons, but the main one that I can figure is because I'm not happy with the things I've done in life, at least to some degree. I'm not sure if I have ever really wanted people to succeed or if I only want myself to succeed. I feel inadequate when I think someone is better then me at something. I get frustrated with the circles I keep myself in so I look outside of myself to find happiness or make myself happy by comparing what "I would have done" to what others have done. I realized that until you are actually in the same position there is NO WAY to tell what you would do. There was a time that I would find myself getting into this behavior and right on the spot I would pray for the person I was thinking about. I would ask God to forgive me and to humble me and to pour His blessing upon that person, even if I was so angry or irritated with them or their actions. I really started to notice that my mind was calming down and I was able to truly love people. I'm not really sure when me gradually stopping this happened or when my old self crept back into the picture, but I find myself in the place where I'm last seem often. Don't get me wrong, I know I've done a lot in this life to be proud of! I've had success on many different levels, but my definition of success keeps changing. What I longed for at 20 is not what I long for now on a lot of levels, and a lot of the innocence that I had has been traded for experience. But now, not in my darkest hour, or even my hungriest of hours, I find it hard to be happy for those who are achieving success or receiving the rewards for their hard work. I get jealous of people who's life seems to be going a smooth route, often forgetting that it's 10% what happens to you and 90% how you deal with it. So what is the point you may ask?? I don't know. I suppose it is sort of my Post Secret, but I don't feel that I need to hide it. I want the peace that comes from coming clean and allowing people to really know me. I want to truly love and be happy for people, I want to cry with those in pain, I want to offer an ear to those who need to get something off their chests without them having a fear of me placing them into a category, and most of all I want it to not be about me, but for me to be a part of something bigger. I pray to be a part of something that moves with momentum towards the greater good and not the ugly, dark, and hidden recesses of the mind. I could only hope to be a sliver of a fraction of the light and peace the Jesus is. And so I end in a quote from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran, "But your god-self dwells not alone in your being. Much in you is still man, and much in you is not yet man, But a shapeless pigmy that walks asleep in the mist searching for its own awakening."